The Little Details of Love

Automatically, one would think this is going to be about a love story between two. The dictionary would state love as “a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person”, but when you actually think about it; love is a story between yourself and another million little details. 

The details, that no one would notice when they see the whole image of a person or a story. These are the details that may seem so usual or unnecessary when you live the day as it comes; but it’s because of these details, you’re who you are at this very exact moment. The way you are feeling at this moment is a detail itself, and you’ve felt this way many times before; it may be cause of a person, a situation or nothing at all… but it might have moved your emotions, or maybe not. 

Now, I’m obviously not a psychiatrist; but I’m experienced. I’ve loved, lost, gained, felt, cried, screamed, hoped, smiled and had butterflies just like any other human being would have. That is enough for me to conclude these feelings; they all come out of love. 

This is somewhat exaggerated to you, but it’s completely understandable to me. Who would have thought that one day, I will care about the specifics in life? I’ve always worried about the bigger image rather than the little details that created it. But because of some of the most memorable details that have occurred in my life, it changed my whole overview on the main image. 

This big image is love, and each letter has a story behind it; or it wouldn’t have been such a powerful word. And since each letter came from a place, a detail must have started it off.

A New Number.

As the year comes to an end, a reflection is always necessary. And no, not the kind of reflection about our personal lives, such as trusting people too quickly is a major mistake. It’s the kind of reflection that everyone could relate to. The series of events that had an impact on everyone’s life. 

While people were dying, other people were coming into life; some were coming BACK to life. While a mother was crying tears of joy because her child graduated, another mother was crying tears of sadness because she can’t afford sending her child to school. While a journalist was trying to find a way to attack certain people or events in a written article, another journalist was trying to find a path to run away from the gun shots and people that were in the process of attacking him/her. This is just a highlight of some of the events that were clearly seen during 2011, but it was also seen during the years before.

Every New Year is usually labeled as a “new beginning.” As human beings, we might make some new changes in our lives, have new beginnings, and have a resolution. The changes that we make only affects one living soul in the world, it would be the change that might turn one life upside down, which is yours. The changes that we make in our lives usually give us a different view on life, but we never took the time to notice that it isn’t doing any good to anyone else. 

In the past few years, I personally kept on hearing so many resolutions and decisions, but I’ve never seen them put into action. That itself makes me look at the world differently, it makes me look at every person who said “I shall do this” or “I will do that” and did nothing about it in a very different way than I did before. This usually has a result of me, after every New Year, waiting for the action of difference, change, decisions, and hope to occur. Yet, I’ve never seen any of that. But in the end, there’s nothing I could do about it.

I never have a resolution for every New Year, nor will I ever. I live everyday as it comes. Today it’s 2011, but tomorrow, it’s going to be 2012. When I pause myself to think about it, all that comes into my mind is “What’s going to be so different about 2012? Yes, a new movie will be released, a new song will come out, but everyone will be the same.” 

We go through drastic change in our lives on a daily basis, but it doesn’t mean it’s a New Year. The only thing that’s special about New Year’s is it’s a day where 7 billion people come together to celebrate the same thing during the same day. We’ll all go through the same cycle of months, and no December 21^st, 2012 won’t be the end of the world, and we’ll all live till we through another new year once again. 

One thing I gained from 2011 is knowledge. I got the opportunity to meet and hear about so many people. I’ve opened up in a way that is way bigger than myself. And if it wasn’t for the people who came into my life, and those who left it; I wouldn’t have such a huge appreciation for the little details. These little details are the reason why a major change happened within me. 

So, thank you for every single person that accepted me for me. I’m glad that I met people who have an appreciation for friendship and changed my image on stereotypes. Have a healthy, happy and successful new year everyone.

Feelings expressed through a Yemeni outsider.

Every individual has a different perspective of elements, people and life as a whole. In my case, I often view everything as an outsider, especially when it comes to my country. I’m the girl that’s been living abroad her whole life and only lived a few years in her home country. This usually leads to judgments, misunderstandings, and people insisting that I don’t know Yemen the way they know it because they’ve lived there their whole lives.

Yemen, as it’s being one of the greatest yet one of the less developed countries nowadays is usually viewed as a closed country with a strict society. I absolutely agree, but I also passionately disagree. The reason why I agree is when I view Yemen as a whole country, we most certainly are close-minded, and this is because we haven’t been introduced to something called an evolution. Not the evolution that the country is going through now, but an evolution for our daily lives. An evolution in literature, education, music, technology, and so much more. Most importantly, we haven’t gone through an evolution for our thinking, and that itself is a major disappointment. Why I absolutely disagree with how Yemen is viewed is because I have been an eyewitness of the new generation in Yemen. I simply browse through the internet and see the “evolution” that I hope to see right in front of my eyes. I see young Yemeni achievers, not just located in my hometown, but globally. This gives me a direct feeling of hope because if those who are achieving are recognized by the “heads” of our society, we could actually witness a drastic change.  And I, as wanting to become an achiever while representing my country at the same time is simply a dream. I remain to have the hope that one day will be my day, and not just my day, but the whole new generation’s day.

I may not be that old, I may not even be considered as an “adult” or even “mature” in my society.  Even though, I do have a vision for my country. I have dreams that I want to embrace, but I want to embrace them in Yemen. Being a Yemeni and embracing something I love or enjoy in a foreign country may be a great thing; but to me, I’d rather let it happen in Yemen so I could relate my dreams to my country that is filled with tradition and history that I can personally relate to.  And as I expressed that, I have a strong feeling that I’m not the only one that wants to create an impact in Yemen; rather another hundreds and thousands of ambitious Yemeni want the same exact thing.

Whatever is being said on the news doesn't matter. What matters, now, is if the nation is willing to come together, harmonize in one heartbeat, and show the whole world that has been keeping an eye on them since the beginning of 2011; what Yemen is really about. I know that deep down inside my heart, and another million Yemeni hearts around the world, we all are willing to at least try to make a change in our community. If not in our community, the least thing we could try to do is make a slight change in some of the lives of the people who are around us.

Now, this whole thing may not be “straight to the point” but I believe I do have a point somehow. I think the point that me having a tremendous love and appreciation for my country and people is one thing. Also, individuals wanting to achieve something huge “worldwide” but based in Yemen is another thing. And what I think is the most obvious, is me representing my people. Now, whoever is reading this may be totally against everything I’m saying, but I know that those who say that they love Yemen, actually do want to be something in their Yemeni community while being known around the world. This is how I think we can make a change. Our youths in Yemen, who dream and want to make a major change, who are ambitious and achieving marvelous “achievements” in certain areas of the “evolution” that I dream to see; are not being recognized nationally, so how should we expect them to be recognized internationally?

One day, it’s going to be out of the closet. Yemen is going through a breakdown now, and many expect it to be “down” for years, but I’m setting my words on stone. Yemen will rise back up, it shall rise up high and will be the great Yemen that many Europeans tell me they know about when I tell them that I come from Yemen. They know it as the Yemen that had the great mocha coffee, that had the great Queen of Sheba, that had ancient history and most importantly, the Yemen that has the kindest people. All these little details are carved in people’s heads, yet certain events ruined the image they had visualized in their heads nowadays, and what I want the most, is to change that image into something positive.

Gandhi once said, “Be the change you want to see in the world.” And this is what I’m going to do. I am taking my first step of being the change that I want to see in the world, my world, in “my” Yemen. I am committed to trying to change each person at a time. Yes, I may not achieve what I’m trying to do, but when I put my head to sleep; the only reason that's going to make me have hope to have a better tomorrow is me knowing that I tried. Mark my words, because I am devoted to my country and people. I am devoted to Yemen.

 

Summer to December.

I had no path. I walked a trail of repeating regrets and shame. My consequences were swirls that continuously sucked me back into the same old cave in an arctic mountain called flaws. There was nothing much left, but to give in, and let the frostbites get the best of me. As I felt the hoarfrost frigidly inch itself around every corner of my body, in swept this foreign weather, bringing summer to December. The warmth rekindled life and constructed security. The light outlined a pathway to my very own dreamland. While, the heat melted all the redundant ice. But rather than harmonizing my dream home, I took it for granted and abused it. Instead of elevating what loved my insecurities most, and saved me from myself; I betrayed it. I crumpled its trust into a paper ball, forgetting that once I’d regret it, there’s no going back- for the wrinkles would always remain. I’m back to square one knowing that the past has already been published, and apologies cannot edit any of the misfortunes that have already been written. Then again, it’s up to the present to decide if I want a happy ending to my future sequel. Will I give faith for a brighter future a fighting chance, or will I sit back and watch myself dig a deeper hole? I just hope its not late enough for you to stick around to read it...

Savior

There are many things in life we weren't made to explicate, and love is definitely one of those factors. It blinds you to an extent you don’t know how to comprehend what is right or wrong. You start to make yourself believe that whatever it is you’re feeling, seeing, understanding, is completely what you’ve been dreaming for. When really, it might only be the beginning of your worst nightmare. I believe what caught my attention the most about this whole situation is that I never anticipated it to transpire. Funny thing is, you’re so caught up in the moment you don’t even have time to apprehend what's ensuing. It had an aggregated hold on me and I didn’t know how to flee from it. I surrendered, because I found myself captivated. It was my personal sugarcoated drug that took me on a continuous roller coaster ride of highs and lows. All in which, I craved like a drug addict. For who wouldn’t want something better than ecstasy? It conclusively inhabited my mind, body and soul that I couldn’t possibly envision life without it. I’d probably just shrink up, shrivel, rot, then dust up into insignificantly nothing. However, I was mistaken. As I came to shrink, I was watered. To shrivel, I was revived. To rot, I was flourished. What came to be of nothing became something. Not any something, but me. This is my love story. This is how my dark hole found its light. I didn’t need rehab, a drink nor he. I needed hope, and faith for a better tomorrow. Once I realized that, I had found my savior, and no it wasn’t Jesus Christ. It was I.

Appearing in my deepest dream..

"Where everything is wide and seen...

But you're real, and you are my everything."

Dedicated to the person that's a heartbeat away from my heart, and 3187 miles away from me ..

Be risqué.

 

What's life without risks?

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